Self-sabotage : only we can help ourselves

Guest post from George Kalantzis , trainer, author, friend, father, and combat veteran who has been helping people deal with their problems for years.

We all suffer from this hellish voice in our heads that whispers destructive things, preventing us from achieving our fitness goals:

– I just can’t lose 10 kilos, why even try?
– I cannot cope with today’s CrossFit class .
– Will I be able not to break at the next holiday?

Every day we ourselves sabotage or dissuade ourselves from something. George tells you how to stop getting in your way.

What would your life look like if there were no restrictions?

If you have already felt completely free, then there is no need to read further. But usually this is not enough for us, so I am writing an article. Imagine your life is simple and carefree.

You probably already know that there is no easy way: heavy things will not lift themselves (both in the gym and outside), so let’s get down to pumping the most difficult. We’re going to pump brains.

When we are faced with difficulties, just the right questions will help us, we can deal with problems and find solutions. I spent most of my life looking for these answers, until I went through a series of trials, discovering certain patterns of self-sabotage : how we prevent ourselves from achieving our goals . There is a reason for this phenomenon.

The subconscious mind protects us from our fears by not allowing us to leave our comfort zone. But if we can find a way to bypass these voices, we can make the impossible possible and change life for the better.

What is self-sabotage

In short, all these constraining thoughts appear when we decide to change something: do something new that is contrary to our beliefs. As soon as we start doing something – weight training, running, yoga, etc. – past habits try to hinder development in a cunning way.

And this is not your fault, because the subconscious mind creates patterns of behavior throughout your life based on past experiences. Whenever you start to approach the boundaries of the familiar, it tries to stop and return to the already familiar.
(I’ve been through this, but still encounter from time to time).

You may already be aware of this pattern, but you still cannot overpower it. Trying something new – looking for information, but for some reason you cannot change. Self-harm gets in the way.

Maybe you are afraid of failure and give up . Or you think that you will not be accepted in a new life , you give up, unable to defend what is dear to you . You are worried about what others think , you need approval in everything you do . On the one hand, you want to make your life better, but there is not enough support and you are unable to carry out your plans.

How do you recognize this self-destruction and begin to act in spite of limiting thoughts?

Let’s try a simple analogy: Just as the deadlift develops fantastic muscles, recognizing self-sabotage patterns helps you release limiting beliefs.

Let’s take on the gravity!

To get started, we need to identify and acknowledge these issues before any intended change. And stop yourself at the moment when we face them again . Think of it as a special brain exercise, like the barbell exercise that sets you personal records.

Every time you notice and eliminate thoughts that are holding you back, build a new skill set to break out of your comfort zone. Of course, without this it is possible to get amazing results, but anyway, sooner or later, self-sabotage will catch up with you, and you will find yourself where you started.

More often than not, we run into self-harm in the following areas: health, money, relationships, sex, happiness, career, achievement, family .

The most common methods of self – sabotage : Procrastination . Perfectionism . Emotional overeating. We train too little. Exercising too much. We behave impulsively. We get up late. We are late for meetings. We get angry and worried.

It happens to absolutely everyone, but many people have no idea how to overcome such common obstacles. We just suffer from what we say to ourselves:

We are too old,
We are too fat,
We can never look like X (insert your fitness star name),
We will never change,
We will not have enough strength,
We will always be like this,
(add something yourself).

The saddest thing about this is that with such beliefs, we cannot really reach our potential. Our life turns into some kind of race when we just look for superficial answers to our questions (deeply rooted in our past). This is how the subconscious is trying to save us.

The modern world forces you to make decisions very quickly, without giving time for reflection. The paradox is that we are in such a hurry to get everything done that we do not notice the obvious thing: many simply do not get pleasure from what they are doing. We are acting mechanically and our desires simply do not match our values.

Back to the original question

What would your life be like if you did not experience any restrictions?

This is the question I ask my clients because then they can reveal their true desires. Not what others expect of them.

We are what we choose ourselves. And the sad fact is that it is impossible to choose two things at once: what you really want and something else.

Ask yourself the right questions to help you self-awareness . The more there are, the better. By exploring ourselves, we take responsibility for our lives (and break through that shitty comfort zone).

This is important for this reason. The hardest part about any change is understanding what you really want and value, because without it, the brain will hunt for negative moments . Psychologists call this “negativistic bias”: we simply look for dangers in the world around us to protect ourselves from them. But in the case of changes for the better, this does not help us at all.

We all want to look good, feel good, have a great relationship, and be happy. But we find it difficult to take full responsibility for our choices, which is why we suffer when we try to change.

And the truth is, the good things in life need to be earned. You probably already understand this, but for now you are concentrating on what you do not want and you cannot leave your comfort zone . Even if your current comfort zone leads you to emotional exhaustion or depression. When your choices of action do not match what you really want, self-sabotage destroys life.

How to stop hurting yourself

Take a pen and write down everything that bothers you, what you constantly scare yourself with. Analyze all these things, how they affect and how they hinder change. Be as honest as possible so you can change them faster.

Let me give myself an example:

“I am a rogue …”

I used to earn too little and I was just afraid to check the account. It was extremely stressful, and I felt like a failure all the time.

Write down your past beliefs, how they make you feel and hinder your progress. And then write down the opposite things that explain that everything is wrong.

Self-sabotage : I will always be a rogue .

New approach : I was afraid of financial problems, but I have enough data to make a normal income.

When you can acknowledge the old problem and shape the solution to take action, you can convince yourself that you deserve a new, better life.

Whenever you run into an obstacle, analyze the belief that is holding you back and write down what refutes it. It will not be easy at first, there will be discomfort – let it not stop you, changing does not always work out right away. But what you end up with is worth the effort.

Remember: the goal is not perfectionism , but regular practice. You may not like the results of these exercises at first, but accept that this is your life, and only you yourself can change it.

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